Dating after a divorce

13-Sep-2015 18:42 by 10 Comments

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Whether you've already started dating after divorce, or you're about to take the plunge, chances are good you're going to be tempted to give in to three behaviors that will sabotage either your ability to move on from your marriage, or seriously reduce the chance you'll find a wonderful new man. Join divorce coach and author Kimberly Pryor on our Facebook page Thursday, August 23 at 2 pm EST to ask all of your love and relationship questions!

Yet, if you don't get rid of this distrust toward men it will destroy your chance of finding someone new.

A good place to learn this technique is at The Rebuilding Your Life After Divorce Mountain Retreat. But how do you know whether that new relationship is the real thing or whether you're simply on the rebound?

First, ask yourself if the person you're with has the qualities you'd want in a long-term partner. Or is the physical attraction blinding you to how wrong you really are for each other?

Another question to ask: Am I happy alone even without a man in my life? The key is to find ways to release the baggage so it doesn't get stuck inside of you.

And when you do get into a relationship after divorce, even if the guy is faithful to you and is madly in love with you, you may not believe anything he says.

This can happen because in the back of your mind, you'll have this ongoing chorus playing: "All men are just like my ex-husband. All men fall out of love and break up with you." It plays like a country song accompanied by an out-of-tune guitar.

Replace that chorus with something more melodious, something like: "I'm having a lot of fun getting to know my new man (or my date) and finding out what good qualities he has." With each man you meet, you want to start with a clean slate. Notice all the ways your new man or date is different from your ex-husband.

If you're still having difficulties trusting men after divorce simply by using your logic, I have found one of the most effective ways to release your distrust is to use what's called Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), which involves tapping on acupressure points. If you're lonely after your divorce, it's easy to get involved with someone new before you're truly ready to move on.

This distrust often shows up in online dating profiles when you say things like "no head games," or "no dishonest men." When you write those things in your profile, you're broadcasting on a billboard that you've been hurt and that you're distrustful.

You'll scare away the men who have it together because they'll recognize your distrust immediately.

And most of the men who really do play head games or are dishonest haven't admitted to themselves that they possess these massive flaws ...

this makes it likely that they aren't going to stay away from you just because you ask them to in your profile.